This section of the newsletter has changed name from Psychologists’ Corner as a result of us having acquired amazing clinical leads, who, together with the mental health coordinators, will continue to contribute to your thinking around all things caring, playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy.
This month, Lynda Collins, Clinical Lead in Mid, introduces us to NVR, an approach to parenting that is very relevant to fostering.
What is NVR
NVR stands for Non-Violent Resistance approach to parenting. The underlying essence of this approach is a commitment to parents/carers taking a stance of using non-violent behaviour and non-violent language in their interactions with children in their care. In place of techniques underpinned by punishments or sanctions and rewards, NVR guides carers towards a relational and connected approach to parenting. This does not mean there are no boundaries and no consequences for children. NVR is more concerned with how parents/carers approach boundaries and natural consequences as opposed to sanctions.
Some of the areas NVR is used in
Early applications of NVR focused on work with parents of children with aggressive, harmful and self-destructive behaviours.
Over time, NVR has evolved and been adapted to be used across a range of situations. For example, children with anxiety, social withdrawal, and excessive internet use. NVR is also used in the context of adoption and fostering where carers are supporting children to overcome the impacts of abuse and neglect, loss and trauma.
How does it work?
‘Using non-violent resistance, parents or caregivers learn to raise their presence, avoid the unhelpful and painful battles of the past, acquire a position of strength and not give in to the unreasonable demands of the young person. NVR is not about changing the behaviour of the child but changing the response of the adults to strengthen the relationship’ (NVRA Web site).
NVR works by teaching carers skills to avoid their engagement in escalating responses and to use self-control, and to keep perspective.
NVR introduces carers to a framework for parental actions. For example, the ‘basket’ exercise helps carers to prioritise issues that need to be dealt with and to let go of minor issues. Raising parental presence is used in place of escalating efforts to control an out-of-control child.
The NVR model of parenting fits well within the therapeutic parenting framework which includes PACE (playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy). Both have in common the idea of utilising the connection between parent and child as the main means of change, and the adult being in charge of reflecting and repairing. The adult is the one with the mature pre-frontal cortex.
PACE and NVR approaches both aim for and work towards the child feeling safe and contained/held and connected/attached: a place from which children with a history of adverse life experiences can begin to trust and allow others to become close to them; a position from which children can connect with their emotions and can begin relearning and rebuilding their sense of self.
If you are interested in finding out more about NVR, you can ask your supervising social worker for more information.
If you are already familiar with NVR or have already attended this training, well done, and remember ‘Keep Calm and Carry on, Doing NVR’.
Lynda Collins, Clinical Lead in Mid