Poppy Heslop's blog

Fostering has brought back the laughter into my house and given me so much joy.

It’s a feeling I thought I would never get back, after my husband passed away nearly 7 years ago.

Naturally, I was all over the place emotionally when it happened and to make matters worse, I was incredibly unhappy in a job I didn’t enjoy for years after.

When a childhood friend, who was already a foster carer, suggested that fostering might be a good option for me I took a long time to consider it.

I just wasn’t sure if I could handle getting close to someone and then watching them leave. But I knew that I had so much more love to give.

Initially I took on young people who needed respite or emergency care over the holidays, which was a good introduction to fostering.  

After a while though, I was curious to see what good might be happening for them outside of the few days I was with them. When a young boy on respite care asked if he could stay, I knew that I must be doing something right. So, I applied to become a full-time foster carer.

I now have a 14-year-old boy with me who often has me in stitches with his jokes, always makes me smile and keeps me feeling young.

Admittedly, his behaviour can sometimes be a challenge but applying the trauma informed training provided has helped me better understand his reactions and be able to respond more effectively. ‘Neuroscience and the brain’ training was particularly useful. 

It helped me to understand why he would constantly remind me of things coming up, like washing or a packed lunch being needed. He had spent time in a residential children’s home and was so used to speaking with different staff who would often go off shift and forget, that he was used to taking control of things. I’ve helped him to be less anxious and have confidence in relying on others.

Conversely, I’ve also learnt to adjust my behaviour accordingly. It became apparent that springing visits or events on him last minute made him feel very anxious. So, now I give him plenty of notice and fully explain what is going to happen.

The biggest change was giving him a routine and setting boundaries which is something that he has not had before. By explaining why something is wrong, as opposed to just telling him he shouldn’t be doing it, is laying the foundations for a confident young man, ready to face the world at 18.

That would be my biggest bit of advice to anyone who is thinking about fostering. Grab all the training available to you with both hands – whether it’s the mandatory training invested in you by Essex County Council or all the additional and bespoke training on offer.

By putting this training into practice I’m starting to see a real difference in him. He’s gone from being quite depressed and reserved to being much more content and relaxed around the whole family.

What may seem like a small gesture to many, when he offers to help me in the kitchen or comments on how nice I look, actually means so much to me. It tells me that he is starting to trust me and is seeking my approval. His levels of independence and self-help skills have also increased massively.

I’m starting to see a very thoughtful young man develop. During lockdown he was a little upset that he could not get me a birthday card but ended up making one himself. Yes, it’s been hard work. But the benefits at the end are amazing. I absolutely love him and very much regard him as my family now.