Maria and Phil's blog
Fostering really is the best job in the world and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. It’s more than just a job, it’s a way of life.
When our children got to a certain age and became independent, my husband and I decided to foster. I had grown up in a large family so loved the idea of always having young people around. I left my employment so I could foster full-time. I felt that if I could help just one child change their path in life then I would have done a good job.
After 8 years of fostering, we have cared for around 20 children, mainly aged between 11 and 18.
We currently have one young woman aged 16 with us who has been here since she was 8. Plus, a 9-year-old girl who has been here a year and an 8-year-old boy who has been here just a month.
Most of our foster children have experienced some sort of trauma in their lives before coming to stay with us, and our 9-year-old foster child was no different.
She sadly lost out on a big part of her childhood as she would often be left for long periods of time without food to look after her younger siblings, who were just a few months old and a toddler.
She missed out on her own education, but she has really flourished in the past year!
We have focused a lot on her education and even home-schooled her to help improve her skills. Now she’s at the level she should be for her reading and writing, and she’s been getting praise in school for her work.
This has made her much more confident, and she loves going to school now. She wants to do well, and she feels so proud of herself when she does do well that she skips out of school to share her achievements with me and the family, and we all celebrate her achievements with her.
When she first came to us, she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, she was so concerned about her siblings. She just didn’t receive the love or support she desperately needed but now she gets it from us. She can be a child again.
Sometimes she will still want to look after her foster brother, so she hasn’t lost that mothering instinct. But equally she likes to be cared for herself as she missed that growing up. She still asks me to help her to wash, dress and brush her hair sometimes. Whilst some may feel that she should be more independent at 9yrs old, I’ve learnt through the training that she just wants those tender and nurturing moments that she missed out on.
Another thing she, and many of our other foster children missed out on, is praise. We commend them all, no matter how small the achievement may seem, and focus on what they can do, instead of what they can’t do. This praise and encouragement make such a difference to their development and has helped build on their confidence significantly.
The key to fostering is to treat the children as part members of your family and we do.
The support from Essex County Council has been brilliant. From supervising social workers to other foster carers I have met – all helped me to understand a child’s behaviour and how the trauma they may have been through is affecting the way they act now.
You really do learn something new with each child that stays with you because they all have individual needs. You are constantly learning how best to support them to develop emotionally and academically.
When they reciprocate, with even just a hug, you know that you are doing the right thing and it’s just the biggest reward for all your hard work.
If you are considering fostering, I would say that if you have time, love, and attention to give a child then you can do it! You will get to meet the most amazing people, both other foster carers and the children themselves – I have learnt so much from them all. The love you give them and the love they give you is like nothing else in this world.