Julie Cooch's blog

I’ve always wanted to be a full-time mum. My husband and I conceived our son through IVF, so when he went off to school, I felt that the time was right to become a foster carer. I was also fully sold on how it could enrich our family life further as I already knew some foster carers.

We started with respite care, where you look after children, usually for a week two, which enables other carers to have a break. We ended up caring for 15 children over 9 years.

We enjoyed making them feel part of a family, even for a short time. It also gave us the necessary experience to feel confident when a long-term placement became available.

We have now had a 9-year-old boy with us since he was 3 years old.

Initially, we did some ‘Theraplay' training which helped us bond through play and gave us activities to build on that relationship.

This progressed to more intense therapeutic training as he got older which has helped us to understand the reasons behind his behaviour and enabled us to modify our responses.

We found that giving him time to plan for an activity or an event meant he spent endless hours worrying about what might happen. This anxiety then manifested itself in many ways, including the inability to settle at night-time and disengagement at school. We learnt through the training that he coped better when activities or events were presented to him last minute, as it resulted in less time to overthink and allowed him to enjoy the moment.

If we ever get frustrated with his behaviour, we just remind ourselves, before we react, that he has not had what most children have in their early years. Losing his parents must have been tough, let alone all the other disappointments he has faced. We can’t imagine what he has been through, so we don’t judge his behaviour. We also don’t let it be an excuse for his behaviour, but it does increase our empathy for him.

The challenges are very much dwarfed by the rewards of fostering. Not just for myself but the whole family.

It’s really helped our son develop, as he would otherwise have been an only child. It’s taught him a different side of life and given him empathy and compassion.

The pair have formed a close bond which I think this has contributed to our foster son’s sense of belonging and helped him settle.

It only works when the children feel part of your family and are not made to feel different. These children already face enough stigma in their lives from others about being a foster child.

He has transformed from someone who was excluded from school because he wouldn’t engage in lessons and lashed out at teachers to now being in full time education with an enhanced provision learning establishment. He even recently attended a friend’s birthday party which would have never happened months ago, as he would easily lash out at people when frustrated.

We proud to be giving him the opportunity to get him ready for the life he deserves.

Find out more by visiting www.essexadoptionandfostering.co.uk/fostering. Or call our friendly team on: 0800 801 530.