Fran's blog
Over the past 30 years I have fostered children and young people of all ages, ranging from babies to teenagers.
I currently have two young women staying with me aged 9 and 18 who have been with me for nearly 4 years.
The 9-year-old has experienced a lot of trauma in her young life, missing out on her childhood because she often played mum and dad to her younger siblings and parents.
She would routinely miss school so she could feed, wash and dress her young sibling, including changing her nappy. That’s a lot of responsibility from someone so young.
It breaks my heart to hear that she would often resort to eating cat food and beg neighbours for food. She even learnt how to ration food for them, ensuring that when they did have food that it lasted.
Not knowing where their next meal was coming from has really impacted on her relationship with food. Even now, she will eat very fast and given the chance will not stop eating for fear that this is the last time for while that she will have food. I have worked closely with her to monitor what she eats to ensure she has a healthy, balanced diet, and doesn’t overeat.
Different foster children often have different challenges to varying degrees of difficulty. I’ve come to accept that challenges for those who have experienced traumas in their young lives don’t go away overnight. The most rewarding thing is when you see the small incremental changes over a period, be it months or years, and you realise what a positive impact you are having on those children.
For the young girl in my care she sometimes reverts to being a toddler, as she missed out on a lot of childhood. We have more good days than bad days, which make it all the more worthwhile. The school has also noticed a positive shift in her behaviour, which is very rewarding.
The training and support from Essex County Council has been invaluable and integral. I have fostered a lot of children in over 30 years and each child’s needs are completely different as they react to traumas differently and need support in different areas. No matter what the issue is, the whole team is there to help me.
It’s inevitable that there will be challenging times when you’re fostering children who have suffered trauma in their lives, but there is always someone you can reach out to.
I regard all of my foster children as my family and treat them as part of my family. By providing that nurturing support for them they can focus on being a child again and not on all the other anxieties in life, such as where their next meal is coming from.
My advice to others considering fostering is: Don’t be nervous as they are probably more nervous than you! Take the time to listen and validate their concerns as it may be something they have not experienced before. It’s not all about the big gestures. It can be the subtle things, like having a routine and some home comforts, which make the difference.
Being a foster parent has very much enriched my life for the better. It’s not always easy, but l wouldn’t change it for one minute. You often want to change the world but when you foster a child you often end up changing their world. And your own.