Claire Copsey Blog

“I waited most of my life to become a foster carer, so don’t wait as long as I did, just go for it, it could be the best thing you ever do.” Essex foster carer Claire highlights how rewarding fostering is as a respite carer.

When I was 17 years old, I saw a documentary about children in care and it struck a chord with me so much so that I’ve wanted to foster ever since but didn’t think I had the opportunity to foster until the pandemic. I’ve now been fostering for two years and I’m in my 50s.

My husband and I were worried we wouldn’t be able to foster because we’ve never had children ourselves, but fostering is open to everyone. You can be any age over 21, any gender, any sexual orientation, and those who have or haven’t had their own children.

There are so many different ways in which you can foster to best suit your family, I foster as a respite carer. This means I have children stay with me for a few nights at a time providing respite care for other foster carers.  Essex County Council are keen that foster carers get to have a break, much like if you were to leave your children with their grandparents or an aunty for the weekend.

Respite care comes with its own challenges because we don’t foster the children full-time so it’s a different environment for them at first and it’s outside their usual routine. We work closely with their main foster carers to try to keep their routine to what they’re used to. We generally have the same small group of foster children who come to stay with us, so they get to know us, trust us, and enjoy visiting.

I’m used to children coming and going and it’s lovely being able to offer a continued safe place whilst they’re away from their main foster carers. The support from Essex County Council has been amazing. Our supporting social worker has been incredible and the training available is so varied and relevant.  

I’ve used the therapeutic mental health support coordinator in the and they have been brilliant. The team really listens to you and helps you as much as they can and it benefits not only you but your foster children as well.

Fostering children changes your outlook on life. Even though I only foster children for short periods of time, you know you have made them feel safe and secure, and it makes you appreciate what you do and know you’ve done your best.

Since I started fostering, I broke my arm and couldn’t foster for a while and I wanted to help whilst I was recovering, so I became a fostering ambassador for Essex County Council. I join some of the training for new foster carers and talk and share my experiences with those thinking of fostering.

Fostering is the most rewarding job I have ever had but being an ambassador for fostering has given me such a great sense of achievement. I get to meet and help foster carers and be part of the network of support which is so rewarding. You meet foster carers you can talk to when you need it

We didn’t realise the impact we’d had on one young person until she left. She was very closed off, but we made her feel as safe and secure as we could, and over her stay she opened up a little bit more. On the last day, we pampered ourselves with makeup and nail polish together, and we really clicked. When her foster parents came to pick her up, she just skipped off down the path and didn’t say goodbye which made me feel disheartened, but when I went up to her room to tidy up, she’d left us a note on the back of the door saying, ‘I love it here.’

Even if you don’t think you are doing a good job, you are. Every child is different, there isn’t a one size fits all plan or routine for them. You learn with each child too. Some children express challenging behaviours at times, but it is never personal, it’s from a place of trauma and pain. You just need to show them you are there for them, you have their back. Being open, honest, resilient, understanding, and being able to show empathy and communicate with them, are some of the best qualities you can have.

There are too many children who need security, kindness and care and as foster carers, we can provide that for them, but I know more foster carers are needed.

There are so many different aspects of fostering to suit everyone. I’ve waited most of my life to become a foster carer, so don’t wait as long as I did, just go for it. Age isn’t a barrier, you can foster at any age over 21, and if you have a spare bedroom, patience, and love to give a child, then just give Essex County Council a call, or go to an information event. It could be the best thing you do.