Ann-Marie and Daniel's blog
When my youngest son went to senior school, my requirement to work only school hours was no longer as important so I decided to change careers to become a foster carer full time. I had worked in a nursery for most of my career and loved helping children to progress, so I knew I wanted to continue helping children, but this time in my own home, and this felt like a natural solution.
My husband and I currently look after two brothers, aged 9 and 6, who have been with us for eight months now. The eldest lost out on a big part of his childhood as they come from a family with 6 siblings. He would often have to look after them, including washing his younger brother.
When they first came to us, he told me he always washed his hair, so building up trust, we did together and now he just lets me do it, meaning that he can focus on himself.
Not knowing where their next meal was coming from has really impacted their relationship with food. They used to only get fed when they went to school, but they also used to miss a lot of school. So, whenever they go somewhere new, the first question they have is ‘will there be something to eat?’.
Part of the training has helped me to understand that they are not being greedy, but that it stems from memories of being hungry.
It makes me sad to think that children do go without the basic needs of food, a bed, toilet roll, toothbrushes, shoes etc... When they first came to me, they remarked about having a clean bed with covers on it, it broke my heart, as their beds were dirty and had no covers on them.
All they need is someone to spend time with them and listen to them, which is something they didn’t get before, and we ensure they have that in abundance.
The transformation of both brothers has been incredible to see, they have developed into confident children, and it makes me really proud. Especially the eldest as he always had to act as the adult. He still sometimes plays the carer role. For example: when he has pocket money, he will spend that on his little brother, rather than himself.
When they first arrived, they looked like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders. Now, they both look healthy and like the weight has been lifted. They can both be children again, especially the eldest who so desperately needed to just be a child. That is just so rewarding as a foster carer.
These positive outcomes outweigh any challenges we may have had. There will always be good days and bad days, but that’s life. Every family has good and bad days, and even in work you have good and bad days.
The support network we have through Essex County Council is brilliant and has been key to the positive outcomes for our boys. There is always someone at the end of the phone, whether that is our amazing social worker, or other foster carers we have met. They all support you and can guide you through challenges if you need it.
My husband and I also support each other with fostering; he is self-employed part time, so helps me a lot. We have been married for over 25 years and we make a good team, but we are also continually developing our skills with the courses on offer.
Not only has it enhanced our lives greatly but has been good for our three biological children too, who have such a good relationship with all our foster children. Our eldest works in social care, helping young adults to live independently, and our daughter is thinking of becoming a social worker. The experience of living with foster children has undoubtedly shaped their lives, turning them into very caring children and young adults.
We all love helping others. It’s certainly made us appreciate what we have and want to give that to others now who so desperately need it.
It really is the most rewarding job ever and it has changed our lives so much. I wish I'd switched careers years ago. You need patience and empathy, but if you love family life and helping others, this is the most brilliant job you could choose.