Ruth Jenkinson's blog

I’d occasionally thought about fostering, but as a busy single woman who runs her own photography business, I assumed that it wouldn’t be an option.

I couldn’t afford to give up work and, to be honest, I didn’t want to as I really enjoy it.

But as my three children grew up, and came and went due to University, gap years and jobs, the thought of fostering resurfaced.

I absolutely loved bringing them up. It was an utterly fun, amazing and joyous experience.

This was in stark contrast to my own experience as a child, which was unsafe and not happy. I was frightened a lot at home and just didn’t want to be there.

Due to my career, and my love for rowing which requires quite a commitment to training, I signed up to take on respite and emergency placements. This type of fostering just fits into my life as it gives me the flexibility to care for children when I’m not away with work.

I guess that would be my biggest bit of advice if you decide to foster. Be clear with Social Services on exactly what you can offer and they will match you with the right type of foster care, resulting in the most joyous experience. It has enhanced my life greatly.

Not only did I want to offer young people the positive experience I didn’t have, but I felt that it would be useful to have a personal understanding of feeling unsafe and traumatised by where you live. It has really helped me to identify with them.

The most rewarding thing is when a child starts to interact with you, after not being able to talk to you or even look at you. They go from being quite agitated to asking you questions and choosing to sit with you. You see them starting to relax and being calm again. I guess it’s just nice for them to be physically away from the stress, giving them time to breathe and feel safe. A break can do wonders for their wellbeing with that moment of respite giving them renewed fortitude.   

I always let them start the conversation and am led by what they are comfortable with. They get talked at a lot but are often unheard or consulted. I want to show them that I am interested. That I can hear them.

When I was younger, I vividly remember a lady down my street who used to invite me in just for a chat. I was away from the aggression at home and it left a lasting impression.

Never underestimate the impact you might have on a young person, even if you’re only with them for a short period of time. You may feel like you’re doing nothing but giving them time. That’s something they might not have experienced before though and they may just treasure that time with you. You have provided them calm in the chaos and showed that they can trust adults.

Find out more by visiting www.essexadoptionandfostering.co.uk/fostering. The phone line is also still open: 0800 801 530.