Vanessa and Amelie’s Blog

Vanessa was drawn to helping less fortunate children when she worked as a reporter in Syria. She now fosters four teenage girls as a single carer, three of which are siblings alongside her two teenage daughters. 

Vanessa said, “Reporting on the children in Syria was life changing to me, I wanted to help. I first started fostering children needing a home in an emergency and offering respite care. This was perfect because it meant I could be at home, earn a living and give back to children who have been less fortunate.   

“Offering respite care and supporting children in emergencies meant that I could build my confidence as a new foster carer, until I was ready to foster children on a full-time basis.” 

Fostering affects the whole family so Vanessa was keen to involve her teenage daughters, asking them how they felt about it before starting her fostering journey. 

Amelie said, “I've always supported my mum’s dream to foster children. I remember the moment she asked me how I would feel about her fostering; I was 10 years old, mum picked me up from school and I remember her telling me I would have lots of siblings, and I was on board from that moment.” 

Vanessa’s girls were the main factor for fostering children full-time because they took to it so well. “I was surprised by my girls’ reactions to fostering and how much they loved it. We had two siblings stay with us and the girls got on so well my daughters asked if they could stay. That’s how it started, and we’ve never looked back.” 

Amelie said, “I love having lots of siblings and a big family. We currently foster four teenage girls and I tell people I have four sisters and they look at me in amazement. To me they are my sisters, not my foster sisters. I was bullied at school and having more siblings means I have that support and bond, but it’s also built my confidence.” 

Vanessa highlights that fostering can have its challenges, but it’s a learning process and there are lots of ways in which you can foster to suit your family. “It must be a fit for you, your family, and foster children. 

“Physically looking after six children is a lot of shopping, a lot of washing and a lot of cooking, and I don’t pretend to be Mary Poppins who can do it all with a song! There are good days and bad days as there are with any family and relationship. 

“Fostering is a job and I have a responsibility for them, but I found that I became a better, more consistent parent because I was setting boundaries, so all the children knew where they stood. At the end of the day, I am a mother to all these children and I love them all.”  

Sometimes it’s the smallest things, unexpected things, that make the biggest difference to children in care. 

Vanessa said, “Sometimes you forget that the small things are the most important. 

“One of my fondest memories was when all my girls gave me a Mother’s Day card together with the most heartfelt messages inside. They wrote that they weren’t worried anymore, or they weren’t hungry anymore. I was so choked up I couldn’t speak and that’s when I realised how much of a difference I'd made to these girls. It is such a gift that you feel like you are doing something right.” 

Amelie said, “My sister and I are so proud of our mum, and she always does everything to support us. We’ve had a great upbringing and mum is giving that to other children who haven’t necessarily had the same opportunities.” 

“One really special memory for me was when we went on our first holiday together in Spain, all seven of us. My sisters hadn’t been out of the country before, so giving them that experience was lovely. We taught them how to swim and I felt so happy to see them having so much fun and I was having so much fun with them. We have a lovely bond and have become a great family unit.” 

The fostering process by Essex County Council is supportive of the whole family including any birth children to ensure everyone feels ready to foster.   

Amelie said, “Before mum started fostering, we all got to speak with foster carers and social workers. My sister and I had our own social worker, and we were able to learn about fostering. We always looked forward to our social worker visits because we learnt so much and we couldn’t wait to start fostering.” 

Vanessa said, “The training has been really useful, especially courses on neuroscience which I’ve been able to use in my day-to-day life.  

“Things like picking my battles, which I wouldn't necessarily have done beforehand with my own children. I'd be running up the stairs after them, arguing pointlessly. Whereas, listening to people who have studied the psychology of it and explaining to you that stepping away sometimes and taking a moment, letting them come back to you and talking about things more rashly, refusing to get dragged into the dramas, ignoring some of it, have been really powerful tools.” 

Vanessa and Amelie highlight how rewarding fostering is and want to encourage others to become foster carers in the area. 

Vanessa said, “All they want is the reassurance that somebody cares for them and loves them.” 

Amelie said, “If you’re thinking about fostering and want to help children, then just do it. When they open up to you, you can see what difference you can make just by being there for them. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“They’re not foster children, they’re just children, they just want parents and a family and to be treated like any other child. They deserve a home, they deserves happiness and the same opportunities as anybody else.” 

To find out more attend one of the online information event where you can speak with foster carers like Vanessa and ask any questions you may have.