Debbie Finch

“You can’t change their past, but you can support them with their future.”

Essex foster carer Debbie urges residents to choose fostering as career, no matter what age you are.

I’ve always loved children. I was very often the babysitter growing up and loved being a mum later in life. When our youngest turned 15, I felt like what it means to be a mum changed. She didn’t need me as much anymore. My eldest daughter was also 21, so we looked at other options as a family because I didn’t want to stop supporting children as they grow up.

We considered both adoption and fostering as options, but we, as a family, decided to go down the fostering route as we wanted to help as many young people as possible. It was a big decision for us all - we all had to be supportive of the idea because it would change our family life. We all sat together to fill in the forms and even walked to the post box together to post them.

When we were told that we were foster carers, it felt absolutely amazing and exciting that we were going to start supporting children who needed it.

My family have been fostering for 21 years now with myself as the main carer. As we foster children long term, short term and respite, plus I look after my four grandchildren, there are always young people around and I just love it.

Lauren, who is our current foster child, is now 18 years old but she has chosen to stay with us which is lovely. It’s part of Essex County Council’s ‘Staying Put’ service which enables foster children once they are classed as an adult to remain with their foster parents and for the foster parents to still receive an income. She’s really thriving on having that support.

When Lauren first came to us, she was 8 years old, and had lost trust in everyone. She immediately became part of our family, but we had to build that trust and show her she was cared for which took some time.

Over the years she did great at school, then she did well at college and now she’s going off to the University. We are all so proud of her. Lauren had to work hard at her studies, but she put in the effort, and it really paid off.

Children in care can often be traumatised, needing a lot of emotional and mental support so that they can learn to trust you and they feel cared for. Many worry about stability and security, at least to begin with, so you must build that trust with them slowly but surely. You can't change their past, or the trauma’s they’ve been through, but you can help them, or support them, in changing their future.

The ongoing training provided by Essex County Council is brilliant and enabled us to do that. It really has helped me become a better foster carer. I’ve learnt many new things along the way, but it’s also been helpful for refreshing my knowledge. Even if you’ve been fostering for a long time, you should never stop learning as it will enable you to become an even better foster carer.

I’d say, never be afraid to ask for help. There are so many support groups out there where you meet other foster carers, and our Supervising Social Worker has been amazing. You will never feel alone as a foster carer.

If you are thinking about fostering, please just fill out the paperwork. You can always start with short term or respite foster care to see how you get on.

That happened to us. The first child placed with us was a 10-year-old boy receiving respite care. We keep in touch all those years on. He now has his own family and a good job. That right there is why we foster – to help and support children who may not have had the best start in life to achieve their best. We give them a second chance, so they feel cared for and valued.

You will not regret fostering. Of course, it may be hard and challenging, but I go to bed knowing I’m helping children who need support and it’s just so rewarding.

My only regret is that I didn’t start fostering sooner, but there is no age barrier to fostering. All you need to foster is to be 21 years old, have a spare bedroom and love in your heart to help these children.

Fostering has 100% changed all our lives for the better. We’re better people because of fostering as it’s made us more patient and appreciate each other a lot more.